Following.

“Come here, and I will show you something” Jesus said.

I knew it was him from his voice, but I couldn’t see him anywhere. So I didn’t quite know what that meant. I couldn’t see anyone at all, anywhere. I continued to look around. Jesus must have gone ahead already. There wasn’t much here, just heaps of stones lying around, and a lot of very muddy ground. The larger stones seemed to be arranged in some sort of rough staircase shape, so you could step from one to the other like stepping stones, and keep reaching higher ground. Perhaps that is what Jesus meant? Seemed logical. And it was the only clear path from where I was.

I stepped onto the first stone. Easy enough, I thought. So I continued stepping, on and on. This must be what he meant. It got a little foggier and hazier as I went on, but I focussed only on my path and those stones along it. As I continued, I also noticed that bit by bit, the stones were getting smaller… and, in fact, I couldn’t actually see anything at all around them; it was as though the stones (and me) were floating. I wondered how much longer there was of this still to go. It was all quite confusing. As I stepped onto the next stone my foot suddenly tilted and slipped off the side! Thankfully, I managed to throw myself onto the stone quickly and clamber up onto it. I noticed a patch of slippery green moss on that stone which had caused me to slip. Regardless, I continued on… surely there is not much further to go. Except that now, the stones seemed to be getting much smaller… and far more moss-covered and slippery, the further I went on! To the point that I decided I just could not keep going, it was simply impossible. And I didn’t dare to wonder what might happen if I fell.

So, I stopped. I had no idea what to do. Why would Jesus call me on such a treacherous path? Why would he make the stones so impossible to step on? After catching my breath, I analysed the path ahead and tried to determine how I could possibly approach it. Could I? It just did not seem possible. After a while, I decided I had no choice but to just try and keep going, and hope for the best. So, that is what I did. As I cautiously and ever-so-slowly proceeded to the next stone, however, I suddenly lost grip of everything, and I fell. Initially, I felt a moment of shock and fear. Then there was a strange feeling, though. I felt as though I was falling, but quite slowly, not even sure if I was actually falling downward, or even falling at all. Eventually, the falling feeling simply stopped. I had landed, surprisingly softly, in a hammock. A rather familiar hammock; it was the one I had rested in not too long ago, when my wounds were too great to bear. And, finally! A familiar voice.

“Come on then, we’re getting closer now” Jesus beckoned, as though nothing had just happened, and he began walking.

Still quite confused, I jumped out and began to follow him. He walked very quickly, and I struggled to keep up. Soon, I had lost sight of him – again! I sighed. Why did things have to be so difficult this time? I couldn’t understand what was going on. How did he expect me to follow him when I couldn’t even see him, let alone which way he had gone? I kept going in the direction where I thought I was meant to go, but I always felt very uncertain. Eventually, I got to a point where there were too many different ways I could go – so many paths I could take, all leading in different directions. They all seemed fine, but none of the paths had any clear footprints or evidence that Jesus had been that way. I had no idea which one Jesus had taken, and I did not trust myself enough to make the right decision. Well… what do I do now? I had no idea. I felt confused, sad, and afraid. They had never left me alone like this before. At least one of them had always been around. Why would they abandon me like this?

Just then, I heard a voice again. Phew! A different one though; it was Daddy this time.

“Do not fear. Only believe.”

I felt at first confused, even a bit frustrated. That is really not that helpful right now! Surely there is something he will say or show me, so I know which way to go?! Surely he is coming to where I am? I waited and listened carefully, but nothing more came. No sounds. No further signs that anyone was coming. I sighed, sat down, and repeated those words… Do not fear. Only believe. Do not fear… had my fear and lack of belief led me to lose track? Had it made those stepping stones increasingly hard? Had it stopped me from continuing? Or was this God’s way of making me stop and trust fully in him before I continue? Reminding me that only faith matters? I suspected that it was all of the above.

No matter which path I take, I suppose they would always find me anyway. They always have, even when I have gotten REALLY lost at times. When I took fear out of the equation, it all seemed so much simpler. Perhaps, in this instance, there is no “wrong” choice here. The only wrong choice, perhaps, is to not believe. To not trust. To take no path at all.

As I gazed around at my surroundings again, I still did not know exactly which path I would choose yet, but I did know for certain that it wouldn’t really matter. I was not afraid of choosing, because I would place all my trust in my God. And so I turned, made my choice, and walked on, with a newfound confidence. I knew not where it would lead or where I would end up, but I knew what – or rather, who – I would find. I would find him. Of that I was certain.

——

“Do not fear. Only believe.” 

Luke 8:50

Prov 3:5-6

Rev 4:1-2