It is kind of bizarre sometimes the things that can make me come undone and propel me deep into a mess of emotion-salad. The kind of one that leads to deep wrestling and ultimately, new perspectives. The simple and small things. Today, of all things, it was a children’s song. A song about a woman … Continue reading Hannah.
grief
Happy & Healthy: Life’s Great Pursuit
“I just want to raise a happy, healthy family. This is my job! How do I fail so miserably?” I cannot tell you the amount of times I have heard that phrase as the epitome of life. Happy and healthy. There it was again, in the lamenting words of a mother striving toward this seemingly unspoken societal … Continue reading Happy & Healthy: Life’s Great Pursuit
Broken things.
“Come. Come along, let’s find some rest” Daddy said. We had been walking a fair while now, and I had stopped to look out for a place to just pause for a bit. Life certainly has this tendency to end up going faster than I do at times. I grabbed Daddy’s hand, and we wandered. … Continue reading Broken things.
The Lookout.
Things had somewhat settled in recent weeks since that storm, in a range of ways. A little bit in the practical day-to-day, but certainly more-so within my own heart, mind, and soul. For the longest stretch of time in a very long time, I felt able to catch my breath. I was tired, and it … Continue reading The Lookout.
Breathing.
Once again, I found myself immersed in and wrestling through many deep emotions, trying to reach the other side - if it exists. Strong pain, relentless grief... it is somewhat familiar for me by now, and yet, never any easier. Not in the slightest. At times the fears and the pain threaten to overwhelm. “Please, … Continue reading Breathing.
When reality bites. Hard.
Some days my heart is just numb. Other days it is overfilled with deep sorrow, grief, and pain and I don’t know how I will function. Other days it is okay, or feels completely fine. Today is just a strange mix. And tonight, I grieve some of the things that my kids and I will … Continue reading When reality bites. Hard.
Unbearable trust.
As I sat curled up on the grass, the pouring rain pelting down on me with great force, and daylight disappearing, I felt immense pain... sadness... grief... worry… despair. Darkness surrounded me, and I wondered how long my heart would have to feel this excruciating pain before I could see my own child again. 25 … Continue reading Unbearable trust.
In The Not Yet 